He Had Me at Hello

Except he didn't. Who is HE? You're wondering. HE is a hippified-hooligany-greenpeace-loving vagrant (if there even is such a thing). For all of you who are thinking relationshipy thoughts, let me stop you in your tracks. This is about one thing, and one thing only...

Marketing.

For those not seeking a degree in the great field that is essentially human trafficking (okay maybe a bit of a stretch), let me enlighten you. Actually, I won't. If you're wondering, look it up in a dictionary. If you don't have a dictionary...shame on you. I guess that's what the internet is for, an easy and convenient place to, you guessed it, buy dictionaries.

Now on to my story. I will make this quick because a) I lack imagination at this point, and 2) I'm lazy. I was walking the streets of downtown Chicago with my long lost friend, Deven (whether he considers himself long lost or not is another matter). We were walking...somewhere...and this guy, (now known as the hippified-hooligany-greenpeace-loving vagrant) dressed in a vest buckled to his chest (or tied, didn't pay attention to detail) and a binder in hand, proceeded to ask, scratch that, he began to TELL Deven about all the great work his greenpeace-loving self had accomplished in sponsoring a starving child in some remote area of the world; and then of course he proceeded recite excerpts of his textbook, "How to Sell the Cause 101."

I am by no means belittling the good deeds of the people in this world who are willing to give a fraction of a fraction of their income (or lack therof) to help the needy. Whether to give or not to give is not the topic of this rant, nor shall it ever be; to each their own.

What infuriated me was that this lack-luster of a guy didn't even look at me!

Let's back-track for a moment. Deven is a...pretentious fellow. A fellow with a love for blazers and pointy shoes (Deven, if you're reading this...I'm not sorry). Needless to say, he LOOKS like he has discretionary income. I, on the other hand, was wearing, and I hate to say this, but the most hipster of my outfits (and yes, I do love it). So obviously, any NORMAL person would go for the guy who has money and try to pester him to donate to whichever cause-of-the-day. Little did this dud know, I was feeling in a particularly giving mood and had a $20 bill in my pocket, ready to be given to the first person who asked. 10 minutes of pestering later, and I still stood next to Deven, waiting for this sorry excuse of an advocate to turn to me and say, "how about you? do you care about people?"

Obviously I don't. And needless to say, my $20 went to the first person (or in this case, thing) to ask...the CTA pass machine. All I had was a $20...

So yes, it did bother me that this nobody didn't try to sell me the cause. So to all you marketer-hopefuls out there, learn a lesson, don't read "How to Sell the Cause 101," it obviously doesn't work.

*To GreenPeace: I do love trees. I have been to New Zealand. And I absolutely dig the flannel.